


I'll fucking digest you, one kiss at a time

by bokeae



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: APPARENTLY ITS MORE ANGSTY THAN I THOUGHT, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Begging, Hinata has a pain kink, Hinata has attachment issues, Hinata is in Like, Hinata is kinda naive, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama has a dirty mouth', Kinda, LOTS OF ANGST AND SMUT AND SIN, M/M, MY MOTHER IS ASHAMED, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Pure Smut, SO ANGST, degradation kink, everyones always writing Hinata with a praise kink what about the opposite, fingering bc yes, just sin, sin - Freeform, smutsmutsmutsmur, thats a given tho, the most sin I've written actually, wheres the holy water, yeah but more smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 13:58:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10664061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokeae/pseuds/bokeae
Summary: In which Hinata thrives off planned bruises and Kageyama wants to give them to him.





	I'll fucking digest you, one kiss at a time

**Author's Note:**

> okok so I've seen lots of fics of Hinata with a praise kink but what about a degradation kink?
> 
> (also i haven't written for a month, my writing actually got crappier wow practise is important guys)
> 
> (((another thing: i want to write fluff however i have no prompts sO SEND ME PROMPTS ON MY TUMBLR [@bokeae](http://bokeae.tumblr.com/)

“Is it me,” Kageyama started stalking after the ball Hinata had dropped, “Or are your receives getting worse?”

“EH?! It’s definitely you! I’ve been getting better! Loads better!” Hinata yelled right back.

“I don’t see it, at this rate, Yamaguchi’s gonna take your spot!”

“No he won’t!” Hinata squeaked.

“Watch your back!” Yamaguchi shouted from the other side of the court.

It wasn’t odd for Kageyama to insult Hinata, no, it’d be odd if Kageyama were to shower him with compliments, it’d be odd for him to ruffle his hair- like what Suga-san does.

Still, Hinata hated it, of course he hated it, he didn’t like people telling him tossing at the wall for five hours was a complete waste- especially if it was Kageyama spitting bitter criticism.

“You’re lousy as shit! Hinata, listen to me!” Kageyama yelled, almost knocking Hinata’s water bottle away.

“I don’t want to listen to you! You’re an asshole!”

“At least I know what I’m doing, you better listen if you actually want to get better-“

“Kageyama-kun.” Suga interjected before Hinata flung himself at him.

“What? I’m offering helpful advice-“

“Helpful?!”

Kageyama turned his glare on Hinata and Hinata- he gulped.

Maybe from fear, except fear felt different, fear made his fingertips numb, the ends of his ears red and his skin was cold all over even though he felt like his insides were burning.

“Oi Hinata, don’t zone out on me- listen!”

"I’m- I’m listening.”

Kageyama furrowed his eyebrows.

Fear always felt a little weird now, maybe Hinata was sick.

He paid attention, the next time something _fear inducing_ happened.

Daichi-san was yelling at him, Hinata probably did something, or maybe NIshinoya and Tanaka were pushing the blame for something they did onto him.

But he paid attention, to his reaction, how his body turned cold all over, how he didn’t feel heat near his abdomen or the back of his neck.

“Hinata.” Daichi barked out, voice sharp and demanding and Hinata jumped forward.

“Yes!”

Daichi’s glare softened.

“Go do your stretches.”

He didn’t think it was weird- he was sure it happened to people, he’s seen Asahi-san zone out a couple of time.

He decided it was a little strange when people began to notice, when Kageyama himself called him out for it.

“Hinata, dumbass.” Kageyama growled almost and Hinata bristled. “You’ve been zoning out a lot, it’s fucking annoying.”

Hinata tensed almost, Kageyama swore- of course he swore, he was vulgar and rough.

But he was swearing at Hinata, _vulgar and rough_ , glare fixed right on _him_.

Kageyama served a ball straight to Hinata’s head.

“Wh-what was that for? What the hell? What’s your problem?!”

“What’s yours? You have that weird glassy look. You’re thinking too hard, you’ll wear yourself out.”

“I won’t wear myself out.” Hinata grumbled.

“What are you thinking so hard about anyways?” Kageyama titled his head.

“Nothing just- I- you swear too much.” Hinata shrugged, swiping his nose with his thumb.

“No I fucking don’t.” Kageyama said right back, Hinata’s eyes flicked over to meet his- he was smirking and Hinata felt fear again.  
The type of fear that didn’t really feel like fear.

“Shut up.”

“You fucking shut up, what? You don’t like that fucking word? Fuck, fuck-“ Kageyama strode up to him, leaning in a little too close, “fuck.” He pushed Hinata playfully.

It was meant to be playful because Kageyama was snorting into his fist- his twisted version of a chuckle.

Hinata didn’t feel like laughing.

Hinata didn’t consider the zoning out thing to be a problem, except he couldn’t concentrate in class.

That wasn’t the problem, he could never concentrate in class anyways- he was always on the brink of napping.

But it was the sleeping part he had a problem with, because he’d be thinking about volleyball, volleyball and Kageyama serving the ball at his head and “Hinata, you’re fucking useless,” and it’s hot all of a sudden, completely opposite of the icy stare-

Hinata shot straight up because this was weird, this was weird, he shouldn’t be thinking about this- especially not in _that_  way.

 _'What way?’_  he asked himself because it was fine- but at the same time, it wasn’t- there was something seriously wrong with how he’s taking in Kageyama’s ‘constructive criticism.’

“Hinata-kun? Are you alright? You’re looking a little…flushed.”

Hinata’s eyes snapped up, the class was staring at him.

“Do you need to go to the bathroom?” She asked and the students around him snickered.

He took his ticket out of the classroom.

Daichi decided it was a problem when it started interfering with practise.

“So? What is it?” Daichi asked, “Have you not been getting enough sleep? Eating well enough?”

“I’m fine, just- I have exams coming up.” Hinata lied.

Kageyama tilted his head from the side.

“No you don’t because if you have an exam that means I have an exam.”

“Go run some laps.” Daichi ordered as Hinata floundered, mouth closing and opening.

“Do you have any idea what’s going?” Daichi turned to Kageyama.

“No? He’s probably just getting stupider.”

“Talk to him, ok?” Daichi said.

“I’ll knock some sense into him-“

“No! Don’t do that! Er, I’ll get Yamaguchi to talk to him, don’t worry.”

Kageyama chewed at his bottom lip, staring at Hinata who’s feet was barely touching the ground as he ran.

Kageyama ended up waiting for Hinata after practise.

“Oh-wah! Kageyama, why are you still here? Go home.” Hinata squeaked, obviously startled. Hinata went to the bike rack with Kageyama following him quickly.

“Don’t tell me what to fucking do.”

Hinata inhaled sharply.

(He wanted to hear that again and again and again).

“What do you want?” Hinata asked, back turned to him.

“Just, what’s up with you lately? You’re like, in a different fucking realm- hey, look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Kageyama fisted his hand around Hinata’s hair and _pulled_ , trying to veer his attention towards him.

 _Pull back_ , Kageyama urged, slap my hand away, _idiot._

Hinata didn’t, he arched his neck into the touch, mouth opening at the sharp pain and he made a noise- a whimper, a gasp.

(Do that again).

Kageyama flinched back.

Oh.

(Guilty, guilty eyes, twisted lips).

“Sorry, didn’t mean to- uh. Just pay attention when you’re in a game. Idiot.”

Kageyama awkwardly shuffled, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I-uh, I’m going home now so.”

Hinata pedalled home, breathing heavy, mind whirring.

_“Don’t tell me what to fucking do.”_

That one goddamn line was in Hinata’s head all night, spoken in low growls.

Hinata hated it, he hated how he liked it so much- he wanted to hear it again, whispered to him now, when he was hot and gasping for air.

_“Don’t tell me what to fucking do.”_

If Hinata tried, he could feel those words, in sharp breaths against his neck.

_“Don’t tell me what to-“_

He tugged at his hair, no it wasn’t right, it felt wrong when he did it- he wanted to feel that again, the sharp sting, the way his head snapped right back.

He was warm all over.

He sat back up, this was wrong, this was Kageyama- of all people.

If he continued, Hinata reasoned, he’d never be able to look him in the eye.

The term Hinata was looking for was masochism because he fell back into his sheets, shoving his face into his pillow- he didn’t want to breathe, he wanted to feel the pain prickle behind his eyes because Kageyama was behind him now, fingers woven into his hair, tugging, pulling.

Hinata leaned his head back, as far as it’d go.

He turned around, dragging his fingertips down his thighs, then harder until he could see white lines and his skin was breaking.  
(In his mind, Kageyama, Kageyama, Kagey- _Tobio_.)

He could feel it again, the warm sensation of fear, except it was stronger, pushing below his hips and-  
He gasped, grinding down into his pillows.

That wasn’t fear, not at all.

(He drooled all over his pillows that night, because his fist was in his mouth- noise would be inconvenient, especially with his mother downstairs and his sister in the other room).

He couldn’t look Kageyama in the eye, the next day.

He was all over the place at practise, he served a ball right out the door while aiming at the opposite direction.  
Kageyama remained strangely quiet, no bites of “Hinata you complete idiot!” or “Dumbass! Hinata dumbass!”

He simply wiped sweat off his forehead, looking a little conflicted.

Maybe that was worse because Hinata was waiting for it now, waiting to be yelled at.  
It was thrilling almost.

Hinata wasn’t sure if disappointment was the right thing to feel after a day of Kageyama being quiet.

It took three days for Hinata to realise that no, something was up, because he tripped on his feet twice and fell over trying to jump.  
(He caught glimpses of Kageyama reaching out for his hair, only to recoil in realisation).

“So, are you sick?” He asked because _come on Kageyama, yell at me_.

“Huh? No, I’m not sick-“

“Then why the fuck aren’t you yelling at me?”

“I-uh- what? You like getting yelled at or something?” Kageyama snorted.

Hinata tried to look for an answer, lying felt wrong on his tongue, so he squawked, eyes wide.

(Yes, yes, yes, Kageyama, _yell at me_ ).

“Idiot.” Kageyama rolled his eyes, he looked around them, Tanaka and Nishinoya were at the water fountain, trying to snort water or whatever.

“Uh, you looked uncomfortable I guess, last time I-“ He said in a hushed tone. Hinata raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“When I-“

“When you what?”

“Don’t interrupt me, jackass! I’m trying to finish my goddamn sen-“

‘Finish your sentence now hurry, when you what?”

“Pulled your stupid hair, you looked weird so.” Kageyama lowered his enraged voice, calmed his breathing, “I won’t do that again.”

“I didn’t tell you to stop.” Hinata said, before his brain could catch up to his mouth.

“What.”

“Look I don’t want to say it again.” Hinata blushed red, almost horrified with himself.

Kageyama turned his head up at the sky, rolled his shoulders and focused his stare on Hinata.

“Say it again.”

“What.”

“You heard me, say it again.”

Hinata’s grip around his bottle tightened.

His breathing turned irregular.

“I’m just fucking with you.” Kageyama waved his hand, dismissive.

(Hinata thought about that line at night too, teeth clenched around his forearm because his sister was right there in the second room).

“Huh.”

“You’re so empty-headed, it’s annoying.” And just for good measure, Kageyama grabbed onto his hair, giving three sharp tugs.

(His fist couldn’t muffle all the groans, couldn’t stifle all his stuttered gasps).

Kageyama left with a look of concern because Hinata was zoning out again.

Except this time, Hinata was aware.

He forced himself to freeze, forced his jaw to tighten because he didn’t want to make those noises now, not here, not in front of Kageyama.

Especially not in front of Kageyama.

(“You’re such a pervert, dumbass, you like it when I hurt you? Whore.”)

“Oi, you two, break’s over.” Suga was calling out and red, Hinata’s cheeks were red.

Hinata was tense all the time because it hit him, on Thursday night that this was wrong.

Two weeks, he’s been doing this for two weeks- or was it five weeks? Over a month?

He’s been doing it every night, he knew that, every night his pants were thrown over the headboard, sometimes knotted into a gag because he liked that, he liked the pressure it put onto his jaw when he bit too hard.

Every night his hands trailed down his inner thighs, eyes squeezed shut because he could see Kageyama better that way.

(Kageyama, Kageyama, Kagey- _ah!_ )

He rolled into a ball right after because this was wrong on so many levels.

He could still feel the sharp sting on his scalp because Kageyama pulled just a little too hard at practise.

(“Hinata you’re so _fucking_  useless!”)

He shivered.

It felt delicious.

Kageyama was an asshole, sometimes he wasn’t.

Sometimes he bought Hinata meat buns, popsicles when it was hot and Hinata had worn himself out.

He ruffled his hair but that happened once, only because Suga told him to be kinder towards Hinata.

He felt awfully guilty after that, almost didn’t want to come in to practise because poor Kageyama, innocent Kageyama- because this was the same Kageyama who blushes at the mention of sex and stutters when Nishinoya throws around dick jokes.

No Kageyama didn’t deserve this.

He skipped afternoon practise a day before the weekend because this was getting out of hand, because he spent lunch in the boys toilet, fingers shoved into his mouth, shaky hand down his pants.

(Kageyama, hurt me).

He ran the second he saw Kageyama after class was dismissed.

He convinced himself that hey, it’s alright, I have the whole weekend and this afternoon to figure out what to say, I’ll tell Kageyama I was sick, would he be mad? I hope so.

(He was sick, he knew that).

Turns out, he didn’t have the entire weekend because Kageyama was there the next day, standing outside his door, shifting from one foot to the other.

Hinata tilted his head, staring at Kageyama- why was he here?

“Why are you here?” Hinata rushed.

“Why am I- idiot! You skipped out on practise! Are you sick? Your parents aren’t home? You can’t even take care pf your goddamn self I-“

“Wait, wait, wait- you’re telling me, you crossed the mountain to check up on me? How did you get here?”

“Took the bus- look, that’s not important-“

“Kageyama-kun has a heart!”

“Oi shut up! Are you going to let me in or not?”

Hinata inhaled sharply, he didn’t want Kageyama in his house, in his room because that would make things real- too real.

Guilt was an ugly feeling.

Kageyama shoved through anyways because “Moron, I didn’t sit cramped in a bus next to an old lady who smelt like feet for 20 minutes just for you to reject me.”

“Why are you being so weird?” Kageyama asked because Hinata was red, red, red.

“I’m not being weird, you’re being weird! Here, I’ll get you a drink, you want a drink? Have some lemonade.”

“No, no, you’re sick, go up to your room, I’ll get you lemonade.”

Hinata nodded dumbly and slowly trudged to his room.

Kageyama came back five minutes later, empty handed.

“I don’t know where anything is in your house.”

“The lemonade’s in the fridge, duh.”

“Why would you drink lemonade when you’re sick?” Kageyama grunted. Hinata got up from his bed, to say something back, anything back but Kageyama was gripping his head now, hands cupping his cheeks.

“Wha-“

Kageyama pressed his forehead against Hinata’s, feeling his temperature.

Hinata squeaked, flinched forward until there was a crack as he head butted Kageyama. Kageyama growled, shoving away Hinata who flopped onto his bed.

“What is wrong with you?! You’re so jumpy! Like every little thing sets you the fuck off, you’re not even sick, what the fuck?”  
Hinata blushed red because yeah, this was pretty much all his fault.

“Hey, don’t start crying, what’s…wrong?” Kageyama asked and he was sliding onto the bed and no, he couldn’t sit there.  
Hinata pushed him right off.

“What the fuck?!”

“You can’t touch my bed!” Hinata yelled and he looked down, Kageyama’s eyes were wide, shocked, confused.

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because…because- _because!_ ” Hinata yelled, tugging his hair for an answer, “It’s gross.”

“Gross? Gross how?” Kageyama asked, wrinkling his nose.

“I…ve- I’ve done some things. Here.” Hinata said, reluctantly and God, why was he even talking?

“What? You masturbated?” Kageyama asked, sitting more comfortably on the floor, “Ok? I’ve done that too. What’s the big deal?”

“You…you’ve done it too?” Hinata leaned over the edge of the bed, gravitating towards Kageyama almost.

“Well yeah! Why are you so surprised?”

(Tell me about it, Kageyama-kun).

Sometimes, Hinata has trouble keeping thoughts in his head.

_“What?!”_

“Huh? I didn’t say anything.” Hinata backtracked, crawling back.

“You want me to talk about it? No way! This conversation is already embarrassing enough!”

“I-I didn’t mean it like that! I-“

“You’re so weird!”

Hinata felt it, the sharp jab of the venom laced in his words, he felt it behind his throat and fuck, he loved it.

(More, more, more).

“You’re fucked up Hinata, you know that?”

(Yes, yes, yes).

Kageyama stayed silent for a little too long, Hinata didn’t notice because his head was thrown back, he replayed those words, over and over.

“Hinata.”

He snapped up.

Kageyama was standing now, looking down at hime with eyes too wide because he was waiting, for two minutes for the usual, “eh, Kageyama! I’m not freaky, you’re the freaky one! I bet you think about volleyballs when you get off!”

But no, Hinata was a little sweaty, sprawled out, cheeks red.

“You- you get this look when I yell at you these days.” Kageyama continued, voice a steady calm. Hinata sat up., “like, almost dreamy.”  
Hinata covered his face with his hands because this is exactly why he didn’t want Kageyama in his room.

“Do you like it? When I say bad things?” Kageyama enquired. He sat on the edge of the bed, nervously. Hinata didn’t say anything, so he inched forward.

He never gave up eye contact, he kept inching forward until he was crawling into Hinata’s space, until he was almost on top of him.  
“Is this why you were so weird lately?” Kageyama asked.

Hinata could barely form a sentence.

Hinata’s mother would always tell him to be careful what he wished for, he said that was dumb but he understood now, he’s sorry, he’ll listen to his mum from now on.

“Well?” Force, Kageyama added more force to his tone and Hinata was nodding like mad.

“I-I know, it’s weird and gross and I- look, I feel really bad, especially since it’s you and I didn’t try to rope you in, I’m sorry! Ok? I’m…”  
Hinata seemed to ramble on, apologising, forming half apologies.

Kageyama stared off into the distance for a bit, thinking something over for a minute before his hand is in Hinata’s hair.

“Shut up.” He tightened his fingers around Hinata’s hair, twisting and tugging. Hinata quietened with a gasp and Kageyama blushed at how sensual it sounded.

It was quiet now.

Kageyama was close now, looming over Hinata who seemed to be dazed and flustered at the same time. Kageyama gave three sharp tugs before he rolled Hinata’s head around.

Hinata’s eyes rolled back with every slow roll.

Kageyama leaned his head back, seeing how far Hinata’s head could go before he’s choking, “Oi! Let go! I was kidding, moron, let’s practise outside.”

But this was very much real and Hinata was arching his back so his head could go further.

Kageyama let go and Hinata snapped his head back, cheeks rosy, eyes half lidded.

He didn’t seem close to protesting.

“This is so stupid.” Kageyama said suddenly and Hinata snapped out of his daze.

“Well-“

“No, this has been keeping you from doing well in practise- look, we have a practise match against Seijoh in a few weeks or so. I can’t believe it, _this_ , I could have been doing this to you before! Why didn’t you mention it?”

“I- Kageyama, I don’t think you understand, it’s not just pulling my hair or telling me I’m gross it’s- it’s _more_.”

“I know that, jackass! I’ll do it, if it helps you at practise.” Kageyama said. Hinata’s eyes widened.

“For real? You’d do that for me?”

“Not for you, I just don’t want to lose to freaking Oikawa, even though it’s a practise match.”

Hinata didn’t care, because no way is Kageyama really saying yes to this.

“So, uh, what do you want me to do?” Kageyama asked.

“Uh, uhm, pull my hair, like what you did before and um, I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Kageyama asked, voice rough and Hinata shivered. Maybe Kageyama noticed because his eyes widened, almost in understanding. He sets his jaw, like when he’s really focused in a match, or when he thinks he knows an answer when they’re both studying together.

“Ah, let me think-“

“Yeah? You can do that?” Kageyama asked and now both his hands where in his hair and fuck, he was pulling his head down, twisting his head and pushing as rough as he could.

“Ah!” Hinata yelped because fuck, that hurt, his scalp was burning but Kageyama was pushing his head into the sheets.  
He couldn’t breathe.

He gasped sharply, feeling the familiar pressure in his pants.

“Kageya- _ah!_  He forced his head up, “I’m- it’s-“

“What? Speak up, what’s wrong?” Kageyama asked, voice slightly panicked.

“I’m hard.” Hinata managed to gasp out.

“Oh.” Kageyama said, and then his hands were tights around his hips, lifting him up. “Gross.”

Hinata’s breathing stuttered as Kageyama smoothed his hands over his stomach.

Kageyama listened to his frustrated chokes.

“Hurry up.” Hinata spat out because fuck, his hand was right there, go lower goddammit.

Kageyama paused.

Hinata felt Kageyama shift behind him and suddenly his head was being shoved right into the sheets, he could feel Kageyama’s lips curling around the shell of his ear.

“Don’t tell me what to fucking do.”

Kageyama traced his teeth around his earlobe, biting.

His hand moved, painfully slowly- as if he knew what he was doing.

Hinata drooled when Kageyama gripped his too-hot cock with his too-cold hand. His voice was muffled in the sheets but Kageyama could hear him.

Could hear the stuttered groans.

Hinata rocked his hips, towards Kageyama’s hand.

“F-faster.”

Kageyama dragged his head back with his free hand, his other hand sliding slower against his cock, flicking pre come down.

“What’d I say?” Kageyama growled in his ear, voice low but harsh.

It scared Hinata to the bone.

He wanted to hear more.

“Wh-what…?”

“You don’t tell me what the fuck to do, I have the upper hand here, I could hurt you- hell, I _will_  hurt you, you fucking- fucking…er, slut.”

“What’d you call me?” Hinata asked, heart thrumming in his chest.

Kageyama slammed his head back down.

“Slut! Pervert, you should be locked up.”

He quickened his pace anyways, the faster he went, the louder Hinata got.

“Ka- _hnng!_  Kageyama- _a- m clo_ \- I’m _clo-o-se_.”

He was spilling over his stomach now, close to tears.

Kageyama shook his hand away, wincing at the come dripping down his fingertips.

“Gross.”

“I’m not gross.” Hinata wanted to say, “You’re gross.” But all that came out was a jumbled mess. Kageyama pushed off him, watching Hinata slump down because that was amazing, better than the muffled sessions he had with only his hand at night.

“I-“

“Shouyou! We’re home!”

Kageyama scrambled off, falling off the bed in haste.

Hinata sat up, wincing slightly.

“Ah, um, m’folks home, I guess, with Natsu.” Hinata said.

They were both flustered messes now.

“I should, um, go home then, er-“

“What? No! You came all the way here, did the…with me without even eating or- or anything? No way in hell.”

“Ok fine, let me wash my hand first, it’s gross.”

Natsu pointed at the bite mark around Hinata’s ear when they came down, for lunch.

“Why are you so breathless?” Hinata-san asked, staring at her son.

“I- um, wrestling, me and Kageyama- we were wrestling.”

“And he bit you?” Natsu asked, tilting her head, “Tobio oni-san! You can’t bite people!”

“He bit me last week.” Kageyama shrugged.

“Nii-chaaaaaaan! You can’t bite people.”

Hinata stared at Natsu before declaring he’ll devour her. She ran around screaming, Hinata chased after her, screaming just as loud and Hinata-san sighed.

“Do you want to stay for dinner? Kageyama-kun?”

Kageyama stayed.

Hinata- he wondered if he was still dreaming, or maybe it was just a one time thing.

He cursed himself, that night, rolling onto his pillows.

He was hard again.

Palming over himself felt…it didn’t feel like enough anymore.

Because Kageyama, he knew how Kageyama felt now and his own hands, his own, tiny, shaky hands.

They couldn’t compete against Kageyama’s.

He concentrated, remembering long fingers, calloused palms.

He remembered the strong grip, the steady rhythm, slow just to drive him insane.

Kageyama drove him insane.

His mother should be concerned around now, because his sheets were in the laundry once again.

It was Tuesday and apparently no, it wasn’t a one time thing.

“You’re slacking off.” Kageyama said, mouth full of meat. Hinata stopped towing his bike.

“No I’m not.” He said.

“You didn’t even buy a snack from the store.” Kageyama said.

(Hinata asked for half his meat bun, Kageyama whacked him upside the head but gave a quarter anyways. Then another quarter because suddenly he’d not hungry).

“You’re, uh, distracted again.” Kageyama pointed out, hands in pocket, staring up at the sky.

It was a beautiful afternoon, the crows flying about was a stark contrast with the soft, orange clouds, unfurling around the pale blue of the sky-

“I want you to…do it again.” Hinata said, studying Kageyama’s neck, skin, jawline-

“Ok.”

Hinata gulped because no, this meant it was all real.

Kageyama was giving in to his fantasies.

“Uh, we can go to my place, it’s closer.” Kageyama said and Hinata nodded, mutely.

Hinata had to grip onto the hike handles tight.

His knuckles were white.

“So, uh-“ Hinata started as Kageyama opened the door and slipped off his shoes. Kageyama grabbed Hinata from the front of his shirt, slamming him against the wall.

“You-“

“Tobio!” Someone cut him off and he let go, eyes going wide.

“Mum?” He asked and there was a laugh.

“It’s my day off, I told you, ah- Hinata-kun? Tobio, you didn’t tell me you were bringing in guests…”

“I-I didn’t know you were home.” Kageyama stuttered, blushing red.

“Do you want something to eat? Are you staying for dinner?” She asked.

“I’d love to stay for dinner!” Hinata grinned.

“We can get snacks later, we have to- we have to study, really fast so- because we have an assignment due, like, really soon, so uh- don’t interrupt, or come in or- yeah, ok.” Kageyama said quickly, stumbling over half his words.

Kageyama-san rolled her eyes.

“Alright, I’ll be here if you need me, Hinata-kun. Treat your guest nice, ok Tobio?”

“C-course, yeah.” Kageyama shook his head, dragging Hinata upstairs. Hinata snorted.

“We-we- we’re gon-gonna st-study. Are you serious Kageyama? Natsu can lie better than you! And she can’t even lie!” Hinata yelled. Kageyama covered Hinata’s mouth with his hand.

“Idiot, you’re so loud! She can hear you.” Kageyama hissed and Hinata laughed again.

Kageyama locked his door after shoving Hinata into his room.

“Your mum said to treat your guest nicely! Didn’t you hear?” Hinata droned.

“Yeah, I’m about to treat you real nice.”

Kageyama shoved him again, pushing him onto the bed.

Kageyama sat kneeled down in front of him.

“So…”

“Beg.” Kageyama said suddenly.

“Huh?”

“I said beg.”

Hinata’s eyes widened, he could hear his heart beating- the sound felt like drums in this too-quiet room.

“Beg?”

“How many times do I have to repeat myself? Beg or I’m not touching you.”

Hinata stayed quiet.

“Look, I have better things to do so-“

“Please.” Hinata cut him off.

“Please.” Kageyama repeated, not impressed at all.

“ _Please_ ” Hinata heaved, “Please touch me.”

Kageyama remained unmoved.

“Please…please hurt me. Please touch me, please- I-I want you to-“ Hinata bowed his head down, until his forehead was pressed into the sheets, back arched, ass in the air.

Quiet.

Hinata’s cheeks felt hot, so did the back of his next, his thighs and fuck, he loved this.

The bed felt lighter as Kageyama left it.

Hinata almost grinned at the familiar hand in his hair, pushing him lower until his head was hurting.

“Take your shirt off. Take your pants off- take everything off.” Kageyama offered and Hinata didn’t waste a second doing just that.  
It was embarrassing, more than just embarrassing, being the only one naked.

Sure, Kageyama’s seen him naked before but this is different.

“You- take your clothes off too.” Hinata said.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because-because-“

“Look, I’m not you, I don’t get turned on by this. Or guys. Or you.” Kageyama sneered.

Kageyama turned Hinata around, so he could breathe.

Kageyama stared at him, all over- maybe to make Hinata feel even worse about this.

Make him feel smaller.

Hinata licked his lips.

“I’m- I’m all sprawled out for you.” Hinata said and Kageyama pinched his inner thigh.

“Don’t talk.” He growled, “Don’t make a sound unless I tell you to.”

“What-ow owOW!”

Kageyama pressed his hands into Hinata’s hips, holding him down.

“I said, don’t make a noise.”

Hinata only nodded.

Hard, he was so fucking hard and they haven’t even done anything.

“Horny bastard, this is gross.” Kageyama looked away.

(What are you going to do to me, Kageyama-kun?)

Kageyama ran his palm against Hinata’s thighs, feeling his way to his cock.

He waited for Hinata to choke.

He fisted his hand around him, around the base and he pumped.

Slowly.

Hinata made too much goddamn noise.

Moans.

Gasps.

Whimpers.

“ _Ka-Kageyam-ah!_ ”

“Oi, my mum’s right downstairs, you can’t make too much noise and,” Kageyama sighed, closing his eyes, “What did I say about making noise without my permission.”

Hinata made more noise, just because of that statement.

He rolled his hips up because Kageyama stopped, he stopped touching him.

Kageyama had to roll him back over, with a pillow in his arms, because he made too much noise.

His moans felt like screams anyways and Kageyama had to clasp a hand over his mouth.

Kageyama fitted over the curve of his back, his lips against Hinata’s ear to whisper more slurs.

Kageyama’s finger slipped in, by accident as Hinata rocked into his touch.

Hinata sucked around it.

He flinched back, withdrawing his hand and Hinata let out a low whine.

Cautiously he put his hand back in, poking his ring finger against Hinata’s slick lips.

Hinata opened his mouth.

He rolled his tongue around the digits, his groans muffled around his finger.

Kageyama added another in, then another.

He stopped slicking his hand around Hinata’s cock, just to watch.

Hinata made a curious noise around Kageyama’s fingers, “why’d you stop, Kageyama-kun?” his hum seemed to say.

Kageyama licked his lips.

Hinata gasped suddenly, mouth opening, Kageyama’s fingers falling out.

“You- you’re hard.”

“No I’m not, why would I be hard? This is fucking gross.” Kageyama said, jumping away, until he was on the other side of the bed.  
Hinata looked at him, stared him down.

“Why would you deny that, Kageyama-kun~”

“I-“i’m not fucking hard.”

Whatever, Hinata thought. He pounced on Kageyama anyways, licking his lips, brushing damp hair away from his eyes.  
He tugged at his pants, Kageyama swore, batting his hands away.

“You don’t get to touch me!” Kageyama snarled.

He let Hinata push his pants down to his thighs.

“Stop me, if you _really_  hate it.” Hinata whispered against his lips before lowering his hips against Kageyama’s.

“Wait, wait, what the fuck do you think you’re doin- _ah_.”

Hinata shifted his hips, gasping at how intense it felt.

He grinned down, blindly.

It took Kageyama a while to meet his clumsy thrusts- Hinata threw his head back when he did.

He pushed up just as Hinata pressed down.

Hinata could see colours flashing before his closed eyes.

He clamped his mouth around Kageyama’s neck, to cover up his whimpers of pleasure.

Kageyama made noise too.

Ragged breathing filled the room, choked sobs echoed around HInata’s ears and he was drooling over Kageyama’s shoulder.  
Kageyama clawed at his back as they both quickened their pace.

It stung, Kageyama’s blunt nails against his smooth back.

 _It stung_.

Kageyama yelled out when Hinata came, because Hinata- he bit down to drown out the noise.

Kageyama came twelve seconds after, when Hinata raised his head and looked up at him with half lidded eyes and shiny lips.

“Gross.”

Hinata slumped against his chest, making them both stickier.

Kageyama pushed him away quickly.

“Just- I’m gonna wash up now, you can go after.”

“Your mum said to treat me nicely.” Hinata huffed, rolling over. Kageyama huffed, wincing at how Hinata got their mess everywhere.

“Don’t bring up my mum now.” He said, “You can go now, if you want.”

It was a strange habit, Hinata decided.

He played well, at practice, he stopped zoning out.

Kageyama was pleased with that.

(He even ruffled Hinata’s hair).

It was like that, almost every afternoon. Kageyama dragging Hinata home, shoving fingers in his mouth to keep him quiet, grinding into his hip, littering Hinata’s back with scratch marks and bruises.

“What the hell?” Tanaka asked, covering his mouth with his hand.

“What?” Hinata asked, rifling through his bag for his uniform.

“What happened to- to your back? Who attacked you? I’ll beat him black and blue, I swear on Kiyoko-san’s life!”

“Nothing- what? No one did anything?” Hinata cocked his head, oblivious to the bruises and scratch marks.

Tanaka kept a close eye on Hinata.

“It was my cat.” Hinata said quickly, shoving on his shirt, “Er, stop looking so close-“

“Why are there bruises then? Did your cat hit you?”

“N-no! Uh, I fell.”

Kageyama told him to lie better when they hurried to Kageyama’s house.

“You shouldn’t leave so many marks!” Hinata hissed, whipping around, in case Tanaka was there, listening on.

“Thought you liked it, when I scratched you.”

“No, I do- I do-“

“Then, I guess I won’t be doing that anymore.” Kageyama concluded and Hinata pounced on him.

“No! I’ll just be more careful.”

Kageyama smirked down at him.

“Freak.”

“If I’m a freak, what does that make you?” Hinata shot right back.

Kageyama huffed.

They got better, at whatever the hell the whole thing was. Hinata didn’t get flustered with nerves around the beginning, Kageyama learned to push Hinata right into the bed, into the couch, onto the floor.

He knew of his spots, where to push, what makes his knees weak, what makes him want to beg.

He got better at the ‘talk down at Hinata’ thing.

“What? You gonna cry?” Kageyama spat, pinning Hinata’s wrists above his head, grinding into all the right spots.

“N-no, I’m not- ah, _c-close_.”

Kageyama leaned in to whisper more things, things that made Hinata’s blood cool, made tears prick behind his eyes, made him cry out, euphoria rushing through his body.

“Um, I- do- uh-“

“Spit it out, what do you want?” Kageyama grouched, three afternoons from then.

“Can I-?”

“What.”

“Want to- in my mouth.” Hinata choked halfway through his sentence. He looked at Kageyama, where he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“What? You wanna suck my cock or?”

“Ah, er…yeah.” Hinata laughed nervously.

“‘Kay.” Kageyama said after three seconds. Hinata looked up, to meet his eyes.

(Anxious, anxious, blue eyes).

“Um.” Hinata sunk to his knees, noticing how tense Kageyama was.

Noticing he was sporting a semi.

Hinata fumbled with his zipper.

“Wait, do you, like, you know how to do this?” Kageyama asked.

“How hard can it be? Just put it in my mouth…”

“Idiot! There’s a goddamn technique to it!”

“Technique?”

“I mean, you could choke on it. My dick, you can literally suffocate.”

“I can… _suffocate_.” Hinata asked, licking his lips.

He stared at it, Kageyama’s cock.

He could see the red blush around Kageyama’s inner thighs.

He licked his hand, relishing in the small gasp from above.

He used his slick fingers to pump Kageyama’s cock up, until he was fully hard.

It was slightly intimidating.

But Hinata sunk his lips down.

Kageyama’s gasp cut into a whimper, he tried not to move.

Hinata inhaled sharply, going lower, lower until-

“Hi-nata- Hina-“

He hummed, he could feel Kageyama trembling.

“Fucking- ah-“

Kageyama moved up, thrusting up. He stilled almost immediately, grasping Hinata’s round face.

Hinata moved his mouth away, it had hit the back of his throat- he coughed.

“Idiot, I fucking told you-“

“Again.” Hinata wheezed.

“A-again? Are you insane?”

“Yeah.” Hinata said, shifting. He brushed his lips against his cock this time, looking up, maintaining eye contact. He pressed his lips against the head, darting his tongue out, using precome to make his lips slicker.

He went down again.

Kageyama had no choice but the thrust up.

Hinata _moaned_  around him, Kageyama could feel it _everywhere_.

He thrusted up.

He gripped at Hinata’s hair.

“You- you’re making this so fucking difficult.” He heaved, eyes squeezed shut. Hinata moved his tongue around. “I- I hope you fucking choke on it.”

Hinata moved his other hand down to palm himself.

“H-hope you choke on it, yo-you bastard.”

He came undone, Hinata moved away just barely.

“Do me now.” Hinata said.

“I’m not gonna suck your dick, asshole.”

“No, just jerk me off, like normal.”

Kageyama laid down on the bed, pushing his pants back up.

“No.”

“Hey, Kageyama-“

“No way, fuck off, I let you suck my dick, go do your thing somewhere else.” Kageyama sighed, turning around.

“Mean.”

“Yeah, well, that turns you on so.” Kageyama shrugged.

Kageyama seemed to get meaner, seemed to get rougher.

What was the point of holding back when it made Hinata’s toes curl and back arch?

“What are you moping for? You literally wanted this.” Kageyama said. Hinata was still there, on his bed, his white shirt half put on. Hinata huffed at him, shoulders slumping down.

“I know that!” Hinata snapped.

“You can’t be sad, you brought this on yourself.” Kageyama reasoned, changing into something that didn’t smell of sex.

“Yeah.”

It affected practise, only a little.

“Why do you look so sad, Hinata?” Yamaguchi asked, poking his side.

“I- I’m not sad, just…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

Suga asked Kageyama if he knew what was wrong with Hinata.

“I mean just, he’s doing his very half-heartedly. Kinda like Tsukishima but more obvious.”

Kageyama shrugged.

He told Hinata to snap out of it, what the fuck? Do you _want_  to lose or something?

It made Hinata feel a little worse.

“The goddamn practise match against Aoba Johsai is pretty soon, so, clean up your act. Oikawa-Kindaichi- they can’t see you like this.”

“They won’t, I’m fine.”

Kageyama chewed at his lip.

“Do you want to sleep over or something?” Kageyama asked, hoping that’d make him feel better.

“Um, sure.”

Hinata was silent most of the time.

He didn’t complain when Kageyama hurled his controller at him when Hinata cheated in one of his video games.  
Didn’t try to make conversation at dinner.

He was less vocal when Kageyama was biting marks onto his chest and rolling his hips into Hinata’s.

Kageyama couldn’t sleep because that practise match was so fucking soon and he needed to fix Hinata somehow.

(“Oh? This is what happened to Karasuno after your big loss? Iwa-chan, we did a real big number on them, didn’t we?”)

(“How pathetic.”)

Hinata was tossing and turning in the spare futon.

“…Hinata, do you want to come up here?” Kageyama asked.

Nice, be nice to Hinata, Suga-san didn’t ask him to be gentle for no reason.

Hinata turned around, so his back was facing Kageyama.

He sighed.

It was warm up here, he bit his bottom lip in thought. He shuffled out of his blankets and laid down next to Hinata, pulling blankets over him.

He could feel Hinata pouting.

“It’s cold.” He tried.

He prodded his foot against HInata’s startled by just how cold his toes were.

He wrapped his legs around Hinata.

Wrapped his arms around Hinata too.

Hinata shifted, turned until he was facing Kageyama.

“What are you doing?” Hinata asked. The moonlight shone down on them, Kageyama could see his pout.

“It’s cold.”

Kageyama adjusted himself so he was completely smothering Hinata in his too-tight embrace. Hinata hit his chest, his yells muffled.  
Kageyama twisted himself so he was on top of Hinata who was still flailing under him.

“What, did you swoop down here to kill me?!” Hinata whined.

“Maybe.” Kageyama smirked.

“Gah, you look even more scary in this dim lighting.”

Kageyama dropped his weight onto Hinata who wailed.

Kageyama rested his head between the crook of Hinata’s neck.

“Am I crushing you?” Kageyama asked.

“Yes, you heavy jerk.”

“Good.”

“Asshole.”

Kageyama pressed his cold nose against Hinata’s jaw, nuzzling him almost.

Hinata giggled lightly.

“Idiot, stop, it tickles.”

“Well duh.”

Kageyama propped himself up with his elbows, so he wasn’t crushing Hinata.

He looked soft, under the moonlight.

“Are you still sad?” Kageyama asked.

“I wasn’t sad.” Hinata huffed, setting his jaw and Kageyama sighed, back to square one.

“Well, what was that? You made Yachi sad because you were sad.”

“I wasn’t sad!” Hinata forced.

He couldn’t look at Kageyama in the eye.

 _Sort it out_ , Kageyama wanted to say, _you’re annoying to everyone_.

Kageyama sighed instead and kissed his forehead, like he does when his mum stresses over bills or works too hard.

Hinata stopped breathing.

Kageyama hesitated before kissing his cheek, his jaw, under his eye.

His eyes flickered down to his lips, soft lips, bitten lips, wet lips.

He pressed his lips onto Hinata’s, his small gasps of surprise warming him.

It lasted long, because Kageyama didn’t know what the fuck to do, didn’t know what not to do.

Hinata kissed back and Kageyama was pulling back, flopping onto his side of the futon.

Hinata chased his lips.

Hinata turned around to face him, mouth stretching into a small, unsure smile.

Kageyama traced his bottom lip with his thumb and Hinata’s smile grew.

“Um, goodnight Hinata.” Kageyama said, moving onto his back.

(He fucked up a little bit).

Hinata got attached too quickly.

He got attached to things he couldn’t have, things he had to fight for.

It was morning, Kageyama looked beautiful.

Hinata woke him up with a kiss, smiling a little too wide.

“Hey.”

Kageyama blinked.

“We should- uh, we should get ready for um. School.” Kageyama said, quickly, stuttering through half of his sentence.  
“I bet I can get ready before you.”

Kageyama rose to the challenge.

It was normal after that, Kageyama realised he’d been breathing heavily when he brushed his teeth. He looked at the mirror.  
He hoped things would be normal after that because- because all this was favour, in the end.

Hinata owed him victory against Seijoh not melted smiles and soft stares.

(He hoped Hinata never looked at him like he was an angel ever again).

It was normal after, Hinata shoved him at breakfast, Kageyama pushed him off his stool.

They raced to school, raced to get lunch, raced to get to afternoon practises.

It was normal.

Until no, no it wasn’t.

Because Hinata was dragging Kageyama forward, pressing chaste kisses on the corner of his mouth because he had bad aim.

And Kageyama was dutifully turning his head slightly away.

The match against Seijoh was nearing.

“I want you to finger me, today.” Hinata said, ripping his uniform off.

“What? No, the- the match is soon, what if you’re sore then?”

“Then- then I’ll do it. You can…you can just watch.”

“That- Hinata.”

Hinata was already dropping off his pants and shuffling towards Kageyama.

He kissed him, it made Kageyama’s toes curl in, because it was open mouthed and clumsy in the best way possible.

“Just-“ Hinata placed more open mouthed kisses onto his mouth, “Watch me.”

His eyes were already drooping.

Lust.

Kageyama’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

Hinata backed up a bit.

“So, er, how should I do this?”

“I don’t fucking know! It’s your stupid idea, you freak, idiot, put your shirt back on- I-“

Hinata shoved his greying shirt on, all the buttons unbuttoned. He fished for some lube from his bag.

“You- you came prepared?”

“Well yeah.” Hinata rolled his eye and hopped back onto the bed. “It’s even cherry flavoured.”

“What the fuck?! You’re not planning to- to eat it, gross, stop, look, mum made curry-“

Kageyama trailed off because the pink tinged lube was shiny against Hinata’s fingers.

It made his lips shiner when he swiped it against it.

“Kageyama, sit down.”

Kageyama hadn’t realised he had gotten up himself.

He sat back down.

“I feel bad sometimes, _ah_ , because I’m making you do things to me, kinda.” Hinata turned around, shoving his face into Kageyama’s pillow, raising his ass into the air, spreading his legs.

He could hear Kageyama gasp sharply.

He slicked his finger in lube- maybe a little too much.

“You’re- you’re not getting anything out of this- you- mmm- you’re truly kind, sometimes, _ah_.” Hinata placed a finger in, “Huh? It doesn’t feel good.”

“Idiot, you don’t just sit there with a finger up your ass, you’re doing it wrong.” Kageyama snapped.

“How am I doing it wrong, Kageyama-kun?” Hinata asked.

“You just are, you do everything wrong.”

“Why-why don’t you show me how it’s done?”

Kageyama stilled.

Before he was batting Hinata’s hand away.

“Useless.”

He slicked his fingers up before he was pushing in.

(Listen, he did his research, he’s not stupid nor is he Hinata).

“ _Ah!_ ”

“Does it feel weird?” Kageyama asked.

“Yeah, weird and this wasn’t a good idea-“

“Does it make you feel gross?”

“Kinda, yeah-“

“Good.” Kageyama huffed, moving his finger around a bit, curling it around.

“Kage- _yah_  I- more, add another.”

Kageyama pushed another digit in, feeling Hinata’s muscles clench around him.

“Does it hurt?” Kageyama asked.

“Yeah, it stings, a-a lot.”

“Do you like it?” Kageyama asked, scissoring around him, making sure he could _feel_  it.

He wanted to hurt Hinata.

(It scared him a little).

“Yeah, I- I love it.”

“Do you want it to sting more?”

“ _Mmm_ ”

Kageyama added another finger in after a couple of minutes, stretching.

The room was devoid of noise, except for the sound of Hinata panting, swallowing.

But Kageyama hit something, a switch almost and Hinata was _howling_.

“Again, do-do that again, ah, Kageyama!”

Kageyama went for that spot again.

And again and again.

And Hinata was making every single dirty noise Kageyama had heard in porn.

“K-Kageyama, more- ah, hard- er.”

Kageyama thrusted his fingers in, harder, faster.

“Wh-what do I mean to you? Kageyama-k-kun?” Hinata panted.

“Nothing.”

“What _wa-ah!_  what was that?”

“Nothing! You’re nothing to me!”

“Wh-what am I worth?”

Kageyama leaned over him, lips brushing his ear.

“Nothing, you’re, you’re the very definition of worthless.” He hissed.

Hinata turned his neck, in an attempt to kiss Kageyama.

“No, I don’t _like_  you, Hinata, you don’t get to do anything to me.”

Hinata moved his hand to his cock.

Kageyama let him jerk himself off.

He came with a cry, getting the edges of his school shirt dirty.

He flopped back, dragging Kageyama on top.

“That was fun and weird, we should do that again some day.” Hinata heaved.

Kageyama looked away.

Hinata straddled Kageyama, after catching his breath.

“Clean yourself up, ew-“

“Make out with me.” Hinata breathed and Kageyama’s eyes widened.

Oddly, he found kissing Hinata incredibly intimate.

Because it wasn’t just _kissing_  it was- it was more.

It was Hinata smiling so hard he couldn’t even kiss.

It was Hinata giggling into his mouth, it was Hinata feeling things Kageyama didn’t feel.

“I want to kiss you.” Hinata whined before latching onto his lips, starting off slow.

Kageyama let him.

Let him suck Kageyama’s bottom lip, bite his top lip, leaving little crescent shaped marks.

Kageyama let Hinata suck on his tongue, moan into his mouth because he was the worst at being quiet.

He pushed him off when Hinata pulled back, looking at him through hooded eyes and a soft smile that Kageyama didn’t understand.  
Kageyama didn’t want to understand.

It was Friday now.

They were in the bus, buzzing with annoyance and excitement.

“We have to beat Seijoh, that’s what you owe me, ok?” Kageyama said, turning to Hinata who was already a little too close.

“Huh? Of course.”

Oikawa said things that made their blood boil.

Hinata tried to make Kageyama feel better with a hand to his shoulder.

Kageyama flinched away, frown prominent on his features.

“Oh? What’s this? Is Shrimpy-chan and Tobio-chan~?”

“That’s none of your goddamn business!” Hinata roared right back, more defensive than he had the right to be.

Kageyama shoved his shoulder.

“Ah, Shrimpy-chan, you have _terrible_ taste. Won’t be long ’til Tobio-chan let’s you down, so don’t worry.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hinata shot back.

It was tense on the court.

Oikawa shrugged.

“Ah, you should know.” Oikawa continue, “Tobio-chan can’t handle things bigger than himself.”

“But I’m short.” Hinata tilted his head.

Oikawa laughed.

“You’re cute,” OIkawa shook his head, “what a shame.”

It stuck to Kageyama, all the way through the bus ride.

They had lost.

_All that for nothing._

They didn’t try to get meat buns, it was quiet.

Kageyama turned to go home, hands shoved into his pocket.

Hinata was following.

“Why the fuck,” Kageyama growled, “Are you following me?”

Hinata stopped in his tracks.

“Um, aren’t we…? I- I want to make it up to you.” Hinata said.

Kageyama glared at him.

“How?”

Hinata pulled him down by the tie, ready to press his lips onto hi-

“Look, dumbass, I don’t like you.”

Hinata stared at him before laughing lightly.

“Ok? I don’t like you either, then.” Hinata grinned.

Kageyama pinched the bridge of his nose, already frustrated.

“No, idiot, listen, I don’t fucking like you, ok? Not the way you do, at least.”

“The way I do? I don’t like you in any way.”

“Don’t even try to play dumb, I know you like me, I known you have a big, stupid crush on me.”

“No I don’t, you’re being du-“

“Yes you do!” Kageyama yelled because he had to get this out of the way, “You do, because when you kiss me, you look at me like- you look at me like I’m amazing, like I’m not cruel to you.” Kageyama bit out. “Don’t do that, because- because I don't feel that towards you.”

Hinata’s eyes stayed trained to the ground.

“Um, we shouldn’t continue, the thing we do. After this.” Kageyama said.

“We weren’t gonna anyways.” Hinata cracked, trying to pretend that no, he wasn’t following Kageyama home, that he doesn’t like Kageyama, doesn’t think he has soft hair and lovely eyes.

“Go home.” Kageyama said, turning back around, stepping back towards his house.

“So-“ Hinata called for his attention, “The whole time, what, you were doing that out of pity?”

“I told you why I did it.” Kageyama said.

“Y-you, what? You decided to humour me so we could win against freaking Oikawa?”

“What are you complaining about? You got your way.”

“B-you- I-“

“We’re both disappointed.” Kageyama cut through, “Go home.”

Hinata staggered back home.

(Natsu had to make sure Hinata didn’t choke on his tears, like he did when his pet goldfish died on summer’s eve).

Hinata didn’t want to try.

He missed morning practise, missed half his classes in his sleep induced state, skipped afternoon practise.

“Are you ok Hinata?” Suga asked because it had been three days.

“Yeah, um. Fine.” Hinata said, grinning at Suga.

“We missed you at practise.”

“Er, yeah, I’m just. Sorting out something.” Hinata said, breathing a little shaky.

“Oh. Um, you can talk to me, if anything’s like, troubling you, I’m always here to help.” Suga said, ruffling Hinata’s hair.

(He could remember how Kageyama’s fingers felt, pulling at his roots).

“Uh! Yeah, will do, thanks.” Hinata said, flinching away.

Hinata maybe wanted to quit volleyball.

He didn’t want to see Kageyama’s face.

(Kageyama used to look at him through hooded eyes too).

A week later, Kageyama tried to kiss Hinata again.

It was quiet the whole time, because either Hinata wasn’t there or he was practising quietly.

Kageyama pulled him over to the water fountain.

Kageyama stared at him for thirty ugly seconds.

He lunged in, trying to catch his lips.

Hinata shoved him back.

“No! You don’t- you don’t get to do that to me! Especially after what you said!”

“Then what the hell else am I meant to do? You’re making everyone sad, it’s annoying!”

Hinata gasped, “Well, I’m sorry my feelings are inconvenient for you!”

“For everyone! Pick yourself up!”

Hinata punched his stomach before fleeing because he could- he _wouldn’t_  look at Kageyama.

Never again.

Kageyama didn’t chase after him.

(Hinata kinda wished he did).

“Um, I- um, I guess I’m sorry.” Kageyama said and it was afternoon now.

It was cold too.

Hinata burned with silent fury.

“Suga-san told me to apologise so-“

“Of course he did, of course he told you to apologise, like fuck you’d do it by yourself. Fuck you Kageyama, Oikawa was right."  
Hinata never wanted to see Kageyama ever again.

(Except maybe he did).

Kageyama came by, in the weekends.

Hinata-san let him up, told him Hinata needed some company, he was brooding.

Kageyama stood outside his door for what seemed like an hour because fuck, he couldn’t fix this,

Hinata threw a pillow at him, when he tried to come in.

He didn’t have a lock on his door, he swore loud.

Kageyama tried to calm his weak-willed punches with a tight embrace because “Hinata- Hin- stop.”

Hinata sobbed a mess into his chest.

Kageyama let him.

“Um, I’m not good with words. Or decisions but, um.” Kageyama started. Hinata stayed quiet. “I don’t like you.”

Hinata tensed in his arms.

“But you like me. A lot, apparently, I don’t know why.”

Hinata let out a whine because he didn’t know either.

“But I don’t want you to be sad. Because you’re my only friend.”

Kageyama heaved a sigh.

“So I’ll try.”

“Try what?” Hinata asked.

“I’ll try to like you. Until I like you as much you like me.”

(Impossible).

 _That’s not how it works, Kageyama-kun_ , Hinata wanted to say. It’s what Kageyama was thinking too.

The term Hinata was looking for masochism because he nodded against Kageyama’s chest, pretended Kageyama didn’t tense up when they kissed.

Kageyama will hurt him more this way.

Hinata swiped his thumb against Kageyama’s cheekbone.

Hinata could find sanctity in pain.

(Kageyama smiled under his touch, ah, hope didn’t seem to exist, _I don’t think I’ll ever like you back, Hinata_ ).

Hinata would have to find sanctity in pain.


End file.
